The only problem is that I don't feel myself without this girl... I'm afraid that if the time comes to where she wants to be with me too late, then I may never be myself again... My life is moving forward but I can't seem to go along with it. I'm stuck in one place and I can't move. I can't tell reality from fake, colors blend, and food has no taste anymore. I wish I could hit the pause button on life just to give myself a moment to catch my breath. I literally just lost my reason to want to wake up... She is my everything and without her, I have nothing. I keep thinking that this is a Nightmare and all I have to do is wake up...
Saturday, April 3, 2010
End This Nightmare!
Well I guess it's official... This girl told me today that she wants to try out another relationship with her ex... She starts off by telling me that it was nothing that I did and to not blame myself but she wants to see if she can have a relationship with him again and that she feels that it won't last long. I asked her why in the world would she do something like that if she believes it's not going to last, she tells me it's because she wants to figure out if he really will change and if things don't work out, she wants me to look at it as a final decision as to whether or not she wants to be with me and if she picks me, I will never have to worry about her having second thoughts about it... Well thats just fine and dandy but what am I supposed to do? Sit on my ass and wait for her? But then again, I told myself before I was with her that I don't need a relationship cause everyone I had ended with me being used or taken for granite. I guess she can consider herself lucky cause as far as I'm concerned, I don't need anyone and I will continue to be independent. I'm done with this stupid shit called love cause, go figure, the moment I start thinking its real, this shit happens. She won't have to worry about me being in a different relationship, but she does have to worry about whether or not I decide to take her back... I just may get too damn comfortable not having anyone by the time she figures out what she wants...
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Leave this girl ALONE Steve - there is someone out there that will love you for the wonderful, beautiful person you are. If she can't appreciate you, it's her loss.
ReplyDeleteWe love you Steve - and don't want to see you hurt.
Give it time to heal, and show her you're the better person by leaving her the hell alone. She had a bunch of chances to be with a wonderful guy, and she blew it.
Love you Steve - remember that....
I agree with what Chad said in the 3rd paragraph thing. but at the same time, i wish it was just that simple. this won't go away easy, and we both don't expect it to. i just wish i could take you away from all of that, even if it's not forever, just so you can catch your breath. you regret that you're going through this agony but i know you don't regret falling in love with her because you truly are in love with here. i know that from the bottom of my heart. i just wish i could say the same for her. i don't think she either knows what love is, or realizes it when it's right there in front of her. i just wish we could all just make sense of this. I love you so much and it pains my heart to know that you've had to go through this, that you've had to go through this pain for so long numerous times, lost your faith, lost your hope, sacrificed so much for this one sole, and have to live in agony....but for what? i know, and you know....but the only person who doesn't is the person that it's all about. if only she'd understand that and try not to hide from it. i get it, she has a lot on her plate, but that's NO excuse for what she's doing.
ReplyDeletejust remember, when you need to come, even if i don't have a way for you to come back, i'll get you here.